As a therapist, I always encourage open and honest communication when possible. However, I also recognize that there are times when that just isn’t feasible, reasonable, or safe. There are definitely times when it might be appropriate to disengage from someone, or fade out of their life. Ignoring or ghosting someone can be justified in a few situations:
If you’re interacting with someone who is consistently toxic, manipulative, or even abusive, then cutting off contact may be the healthiest thing you can do for your own sanity and emotional wellbeing. It is kind to try to adjust to other people and their needs, but ultimately your safety and mental health have to come first.
Sometimes we are in contact with someone and the connection just isn’t mutual – maybe you’ve tried to communicate and been met with combativeness, indifference or a lack of reciprocation. In that case it may be kinder to both people to disengage rather than to drag things out or to continue to apply time and energy to something or someone who is unresponsive, irrational, or uncooperative.
We all get emotionally drained and dysregulated sometimes and if maintaining a relationship (of any kind) has become an exhausting source of stress, it is okay to take a step back and prioritize your own needs for a while. Just be mindful that ghosting can result in hurt feelings and confusion on their end, and this in turn can create more emotional stress for you later on if that person still has a way to contact you and engage with you.
When disengaging or ghosting the key is to be self-aware and to reflect on why you’re feeling the urge to cut someone off. Is it a toxic dynamic that needs to end? Or are you just going through a day or a season where you need more space or a change? Is it about you or is it about them? Is it about now, or changing something in the future? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but the goal should always be to handle the situation with as much thought, care and compassion as possible – for yourself and the other person, or situation.
No one likes to be ghosted but it happens and it is in our daily vocabulary as a society now. Ghosting can be very freeing and affective, but it can also be very passive-aggressive and avoidant. It can be a way to “speak” loudly, and it can have benefits, but can also come with a cost. You get to decide what the trade off is.
What does ghosting mean to you? Have you ghosted or been ghosted? Was it ultimately negative or positive? Both? Between?
If you are located in Texas and want to discuss more on this topic while in talk-therapy or other therapeutic modalities contact me for a free 15-minute therapy consultation – yvonne@viescatxs.com